


This never happened, yet it always does.

by namethosestars



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, I realize Joker isn’t a populist character this is just allegory, Political Satire, Politics, Satire, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 20:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13131369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/namethosestars/pseuds/namethosestars
Summary: Joker decides to embrace the tactics of every fragile white cishet bigot you’ve ever argued with on social media.





	This never happened, yet it always does.

**Batman** : “All right, Joker, we’re taking you in.”

**Joker** : “Oh, here we go. The Superhero Snowflake Fascists are here to trample my freedom of expression. AGAIN.”

**Robin** : “ . . . You call robbing homeless shelters at gunpoint, setting those shelters on fire when you leave and using the collected funds to buy more guns, which you use to rob food banks, and then using the food to bribe the now-shelterless-and-even-more-hungry homeless population to join your personal army, but only ever actually giving them food when they fight each other for it, while leading a chant of ‘No Free Rides, No Free Rides’, until you’ve got them so tortured and bloodthirsty you hand them your arsenal and tell them their real enemy is immigrants, and they all charge off to shoot up airports, government offices, and schools . . . ‘Freedom of expression’? What the hell is wrong with you?”

**Joker** : “And THERE’S the name-calling, right on schedule!”

**Robin** : “I didn’t . . . I didn’t call you any names.”

**Joker** : “I am SO tired of being persecuted for THINKING DIFFERENTLY!”

**Batman** : “People are literally dying right now because of your ‘different’ way of thinking.”

**Joker** : “And yet, here you are bullying ME instead of helping all those poor, unfortunate souls! Which one of us is the REAL bad guy, here, huh?! At least _**I**_ feed the homeless!”

**Batman** : “You realize there are enough superheroes to go around, right? The entire rest of the Justice League and the Teen Titans are out fixing all the problems you’ve caused. We’re here to apprehend YOU so you can’t start more shit.”

**Joker** : *gaaaasp!* “Such language! Here I am trying to have a mature discussion, and you have to get nasty! I should expect nothing less of you so-called ‘Heroes’.” *gestures at Robin* “So immoral you even brainwash CHILDREN into joining in on your violent, degenerate lifestyle.”

**Robin** : “Um, he actually didn’t want me to—“

**Batman** : “Quit stalling. You’re cornered, Joker. Give up now and we won’t have to incapacitate you.”

**Joker** : “Exactly what I’m talking about. Always using violence to solve your problems.”

**Robin** : “. . . You literally, personally bludgeoned my predecessor to death.”

**Joker** : “That was a false-flag operation you fascist SJWs staged with a lookalike to set me up! You can’t act all high and mighty when you’re the ones doing all the real evil in this world! I’ve been constantly misrepresented by you SJWs and the Fake News Media! I didn’t hurt anybody! I’ve been taking back resources from out of the hands of Big Government, feeding homeless Americans and teaching them to fend for themselves! They probably only got violent after watching YOU!”

**Batman** : “ . . . I won’t have to use violence if you give yourself up quietly.”

**Joker** : “NO! I’m a Freedom Fighter! I still have my gun and I’ll use it if I have to!”

**Batman** : *sighs.* *clicks remote control.* *Joker’s gun melts.*

**Joker** : *tosses gun away before it can burn his hands.* “THAT IS DESTRUCTION OF PERSONAL PROPERTY! YOU SJWs ARE ALL SAVAGES!”

**Robin** : “Uh, just so you know, ‘Savage’ is kind of a racist term . . . .”

**Joker** : “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN’T SAY! THOUGHT POLICE!”

**Robin** : “I didn’t say you _couldn’t_ say it. I said it’s kind of uncool that you _did_.”

**Joker** : “THERE YOU GO WITH THE NAME-CALLING AGAIN!”

**Robin** : “I DIDN’T CALL YOU ANY NAMES!”

**Batman** : *Now behind Joker after slipping into the shadows while he was distracted yelling at Robin.* “This is stupid.” *Twists Joker’s arms behind his back.* *begins chaining him up.*

**Joker** : “UNHAND me you fascist! I bet you get all your toys from that Soros funding. You superheroes are all under his thumb! Without his dirty money, you’re NOTHING.”

**Batman** : *ignores him.* *Hauls him out to the nanoarmored van waiting outside.*

**Joker** : *still squirming* “Ahhh, come on, Bats. You and I, we’ve been through so much together! You gonna take away my freedom over a little difference in opinion? You gonna sell out to Big Government just because you don’t like the way I do things? Come on. There’s plenty of room for both of us in this big, wide world! What kind of a hero locks up an old friend, huh?”

**Batman** : “We’re not friends.”

**Joker** : “That’s very hurtful. I can’t believe you’d discount any possibility of friendship between us over something as silly as politics. I never let politics stop me from seeing you as my friend. And you know what? That’s still true. We’re friends whether you like it or not, Batman. Because I’m a mature adult, and I know how to separate my politics from the rest of my life. You could really learn a thing or two from me. I guess I’m just a better person than you. So much for the ‘Tolerant’ do-gooders.”

**Batman** : *tosses Joker into the police van.*

**Joker** : “You can go ahead and oppress me now, but I’ll get my freedom back!”

**Batman** : *slams doors shut.*

**Joker** : “MAKE GOTHAM GREAT AGAIN!”

**Author's Note:**

> I originally threw this together on a private account just as a rant for friends, but they wanted to be able to share it so I tossed it up here.
> 
> I realize Joker isn’t a populist character. This is just allegory. Feel free to treat it like him trolling for the lulz rather than actually believing anything coming out of his own mouth.


End file.
